Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
