I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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