I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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