apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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