I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
