The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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