that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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