Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
how does that bad decision feel?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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