I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize