Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize