i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
