Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
