My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
