HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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