How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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