He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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