so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
