she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
