I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
