i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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