sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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