so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
