Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
