I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
