Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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