i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
