i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
