And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i think i have two assholes
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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