yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
