I think i peed on brittanys purse
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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