sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
