He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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