don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize