I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
