btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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