i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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