Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
