can u get pink eye on your cock?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Even my vagina gasped.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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