my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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