Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
