i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If I die, sorry about rent.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
