im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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