idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
