bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
