Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize