You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
