I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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