He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
