At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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