Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
