Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My cat gives me a boner
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
