That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
