Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
how drunk are you?
Several
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
