i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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