we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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