Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
