I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
