i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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