You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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