i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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