you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
