Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
