you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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