I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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