It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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