i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
only if we run a train.
done.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
