this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
