There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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