Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
