If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
