Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
