don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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