Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
