i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize