so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize