What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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