go do what you do best...puke behind churches
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
