Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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