wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
