She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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