ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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