I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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