Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
