I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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