Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
