I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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