Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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