if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
