My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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