sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
