Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
