i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
