I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
