yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
