I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
