I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
