Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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