I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
