Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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