I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
