forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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