Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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