Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize