I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
